Two secrets for a man's successful marriage 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. A man ran an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.' First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!' Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.' True Meaning Statement: "Im a Romantic." True Meaning: "Im poor." Statement: "Youre the only girl Ive ever cared about." True Meaning: "You are the only girl who hasnt rejected me." Statement: "I really want to get to know you better." True Meaning: "So I can tell my friends about it." Statement: "Shes kinda cute." True Meaning: "I wouldnt kick her out of bed but a pillow over the head might be necessary." Statement: "I dont know if I like her." True Meaning: "She wont sleep with me." Statement: "Was it good for you?" True Meaning: "Im insecure about my manhood." Statement: "I had a wonderful time last night." True Meaning: "Who are you?" Statement: "Do you love me?" True Meaning: "Ive done something stupid and you might find out." Statement: "Do you really love me?" True Meaning: "Ive done something stupid and youre going to find out sooner or later." Statement: "How much do you love me?" True Meaning: "Ive done something really stupid and someones on their way to tell you by now." Statement: "I have something to tell you." True Meaning: "Get tested." Statement: "Ive been thinking a lot." True Meaning: "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk." Statement: "I think we should just be friends." True Meaning: "Youre ugly." Statement: "Ive learned a lot from you." True Meaning: "Next!!!!"
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