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You Might Be From New York If...... You say "the city" and expect everyone to
know that this means Manhattan.
You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
The subway makes sense to you, and the subway should never be called anything like the Metro.
Your door
has more than three locks and is made of steel.
You think Central Park is "nature."
You
pay more each month to park your car than most people in the US pay on their mortgage.
You haven't seen more than
12 stars in the night sky since you went away to camp as a kid.
You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost
the bar 28 cents.
You have 27 different take-out menus next to your phone.
Going to Brooklyn is considered
a "road trip." Of course, you only go there to attend weddings or funerals.
America west of the Hudson
is still theoretical to you.
You have jaywalking down to an art form. You're born with it.
You take
a taxi to get to your health club to exercise.
You don't hear sirens anymore.
You live in a building
with a larger population than most American towns. Career
Choices My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I
got canned... couldn't concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so
they gave me the ax.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it, mainly because it was
a sew-sew job.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting.
Then I tried
to be a chef. I figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.
I attempted
to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
My best job was being a musician, but
eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.
I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.
Next was a job in a shoe factory. I tried, but I just didn't fit in.
I became a professional fisherman,
but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance
company, but the work was just too draining.
So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit
for the job.
After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian, but there was
no future in it.
My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
SO I RETIRED, AND FOUND THAT I AM PERFECT FOR THE JOB
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