An older couple is lying in
bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me."
"Why not?" he asks.
She answers back, "Because I'm dead."
The husband
says, "What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another."
She says, "No, I'm definitely dead."
He insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you
think you're dead?"
"Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts."
A woman told a marriage
counselor that her husband's complaint that he leads a dog's life is probably well founded.
"He comes in
the house with muddy feet," she said, "tracks across my clean floors, barks at nothing, growls at his food and makes
himself comfortable on my best furniture."
A
little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly. After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his
front legs, until he crashes heavily into the ground with a hard knock on his shell.
After recovering his consciousness,
he starts to climb the tree again, jumps again, and knocks the ground heavily again.
The little turtle persisted
again and again while a couple of birds sitting at the edge of a branch, watched the turtle with pain. Suddenly the female
bird says to the male,
"Dear, I think it's time to tell our little turtle he is adopted."
One night a fellow drove his secretary home
after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention
it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily.
The next night the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant.
Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous,
he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car.
With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her
seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"
A sister and brother are talking to each other
when the little boy gets up and walks over to his Grandpa and says, "Grandpa, please make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "No."
The little boy goes on, "Please...please make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "No, now go play."
The little boy then says to his sister, "Go tell Grandpa
to make a frog noise."
So the little girl goes to her Grandpa and says, "Please make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "I just told your brother 'no' and I'm telling you 'no'."
The little girl
says, "Please...please Grandpa make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "Why do you want me to make
a frog noise?"
The little girl replied, "Because mommy said when you croak we can go to Disney World!"
