A very dirty little
boy came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, "Who am I?"
Ready to play the game she said,
"I don't know! Who are you?"
"WOW!" cried the child. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said
I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn't recognize me!"
At the UPS cargo
phone center where I worked, a woman called and said, "I need a baseball quote."
I immediately answered
with Yogi Berra's famous "It ain't over 'til it's over!"
There was a brief moment of silence before
the woman asked, "What was that?"
"You asked me for a baseball quote," I responded, "and
that was the first thing that came into my head."
"Oh," she replied. "My husband told me to
call and get a baseball quote."
I asked if she wanted to ship something, and she said she did. Then it dawned
on me: "Do you mean you want a ballpark figure?"
A lawyer named Strange
died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a
lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to
think that three men were buried under the stone.
However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here
lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer."
That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read
it, they would be certain to remark:
"That's Strange!"
My wife has not
spoken to me in three days. I think it has something to do with what happened on Sunday night when she thought she heard a
noise downstairs.
She nudged me and whispered, "Wake up, wake up!"
"What's the matter?"
I asked.
"There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're eating the tuna casserole I made tonight."
"That'll teach them!" I replied.
